How Does Lucky, Get So Unlucky?

LUCKY:  I really need some nonjudgmental advice.

CARRIE:  Hit me.

LUCKY:  That guy I told you about, well things were going great, he calls and texts me all the time, but when it came down to seeing me on the days he didn’t have his kid (which was last Monday & Wednesday) he was either tired or I don’t know, something came up – haven’t seen him since last Tuesday after he dropped his kid off.  He says he wants to take it slow, but I really can’t do the every-other-weekend thing, when it’s clear we could be spending more time together.

CARRIE:  Honey…he’s just not that into you and the fact that he says he wants to take it slow is a good way of saying it.  He likes the attention you give him, but that’s it.  Let me ask you this:  When you like someone, you want to see them all the time, right?  And when you aren’t really into someone, what do you do?

LUCKY:  Exactly!!!!  That’s what I said to him.  He is self-centered on his feelings.  Haven’t heard from him today and I’m fine with leaving it as is.  Just kinda hurts the one time I really am interested [in someone].  BAM.  Another asshole.

CARRIE:  It just sounds like he is lonely and if he up to seeing you, he does.  But that’s it.  I’m going to remind you what Nathan said to me one time, and I know this is super hard to implement, but you need to hear this again:  “You gotta act like every guy means pretty much nothing until one does a back-flip off a 60-story building with flowers and chocolates in his hands.  These are not games.  Just sorting out the weak.  You wanna mate with the lions, not with the cubs.”

LUCKY:  Got it!  But the ones who do this are the ones I have no chemistry with… I wish I could change the thing inside me that chooses the wrong ones I’m attracted to!

CARRIE:  The first rule of changing a pattern is acknowledging it.  Look at the bright side, at least you are recognizing it at the beginning, instead of after the fact, when it’s too late.  Look, don’t be angry at this guy.  He’s not a bad person just because he doesn’t feel the chemistry with you.  Just see it for what it is and move on without any hard feelings.  Dating is all about figuring out if you like someone or not.  Look at it like interviewing for a job…you are not always going to hire who you interview, right?  The same goes for dating.

LUCKY:  I know, but I’m not texting him or calling him.  If he calls or texts me, I will respond very nicely.  He should not put “wants long-term relationship” [on his profile] when he clearly is not ready.  He found me and my profile is pretty clear.

CARRIE:   Honey, I hate saying this…he wants a relationship, just not with you.  Because, if he did, you would have heard from him by now and he would have apologized to you.

I know that probably hurt Lucky to read that, but, as a friend, my duty is to be straight-up honest with her.   I could be wrong about this guy, but as far as I’m concerned all of his behavior is pointing in one direction.   A guy who is into her would never keep her guessing simply out of fear of losing her.    He would have done everything to make it up to her.  She just needs to cut him off and move on.

Anyone who is in this dilemma, I’m telling you, it’s really this simple:  Actions speak louder than words.

~Carrie

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