Mortgage Guy

I’m trying out, which some of my friends have referred to as “Plenty of Crap,” or “Plenty of White Trash.” Regardless, it’s a FREE online dating website – I refuse to pay for a dating service anymore when it doesn’t even work.  (I should ask for a refund!)

Recently, I changed my status from NY to living in New England (where I’m originally from).  I figured I would take my friend Julie’s advice, and fish in a local pond, seeing that I am seriously considering moving back after having been gone for years.

Yup, you read that right. I’m pretty much over the NYC thing. Nothing really keeping me there except my Monday through Friday job.  And now, because of the Recession, my hours are reduced to working Monday through Thursday. If you do the math…, I’ll help you….that’s a 20% reduction in my salary. TWENTY! So, why I am living so far away from my family and friends, when I could find another job for the same money back home?

So, the other weekend, I’m on PlentyofFish, and I have emails from two guys who caught my attention. The first one lives 20 miles away, in a town that I’ve never even heard of before.

The other guy was living in my home town, 39-years old, 6’3” and is a mortgage broker.

I wasn’t too sure about the guy up north.  I was attracted to him, but he didn’t have too much to say in his dating profile, plus he was AA for two years. Yikes! Great for him, but could I date someone who didn’t drink?

I decided he wasn’t going to be a good fit, so I focused on Mortgage Guy.

Mortgage Guy and I emailed each other a few times, then we graduate to texting for four days.  I had hopes that he would actually dial my number and call me, but he never did.

So, fine.  I broke tradition and called him first, during my Thursday night drive back to my home town.

He picks up.  The conversation was good, it was easy to talk to him. I was hoping to meet him that weekend, but he said he was unavailable because had his 6-year old daughter all weekend, but that he would try to work something out.

I ask him if he knows my brother, Nathan.  He said he knew of Nathan, because he had dated one of his friend’s ex-girlfriends.  (No surprise there.  It was a small town.)  But, at least we don’t have to worry about Rule #2.  We wrap up our conversation.  He tells me to drive safe and that he’d be in touch on Friday.

Friday afternoon rolls around, I’m running around doing errands with Mommer.  Mortgage Guy is texting me all day, trying to figure out a way we could meet, and he finally comes up with an idea to meet him at 4:00pm, at Starbucks.

Starbucks?  Really?  We have one in town.

Yes, he says, that one, because he goes there every Friday afternoon, with his daughter.  He suggests that we could “accidentally bump into each other.” 

I finish up errands with Mommer and I head over to Starbucks. I’m there on time, I buy a Tall Skinny Vanilla Latte and find a comfortable spot, and while I wait I start reading, “The War of Art”

He was a little late, but there was no mistaking him. He was definitely 6’3” and had a presence – or was it the big smile, across his face that gave him away? Clearly, he liked what he saw.


I noticed he dutifully held his daughter’s hand as he slowly approaches me. We say hello to each other and then he introduces me to his little girl. She’s as adorable as can be, and reminds me of Bernice in Hope Floats.

Like her daddy, she’s got this little edge to her – and just like Bernice, her pink glasses are also too big for her face.

I get up, so we can move to where there is more comfortable seating. We decide to sit in the big soft chairs in the back of the room – his daughter settles in her chair, right across from us. She’s content with her pumpkin bread, hot chocolate, and her Game Boy. I smile, as I’m watching her, and then I turn to Mortgage Guy.

Finally, we are face to face. Gosh he’s really cute! Great smile and I’m immediately attracted to his deep man-voice – oh, and big man hands, too! Meow-meow! Okay, thank God – physical attraction is there *ding!* and I’m thinking it’s mutual, as he just can’t seem to get that smile off of his face.

We end up talking about the basics – you know why are you still single? He doesn’t believe me when I tell him that it’s not me.  That I believe the choices at my age are limiting. I add jokingly, “All the good ones are taken already.”

He laughs, but doesn’t buy it. He can’t fathom how I’ve made it this far without being married – then he accuses me of being a “Runaway Bride.”

Runaway Bride? Me? Hell, no. That’s didn’t sound like a compliment and I liked it better when he was calling me “meatball” earlier, when we were texting.

We end up talking for an hour and a half.  But then I had to excuse myself, so I wouldn’t be late meeting my girlfriend for wine and pizza. 

We hug each other good-bye, and he tells me that next weekend he’ll be available to see me again, because he won’t have his daughter.  Great!  I told him I was looking forward to it.

Overall, I liked him. He was much better looking in person, than he was in his photos. And, of course, being 6’3” didn’t hurt.  I was definitely up for another date with him.

LESSON LEARNED:  Driving home I remembered that Mortgage Guy had told me that he had once been a red head.  You couldn’t really tell now, because of his bald head, but definitely had the freckles and coloring for a red head.  That didn’t matter to me.  What did matter was that I remember saying I didn’t think I would ever be into a guy that is a red head. I guess my lesson here is you should never say never. Because as I have learned, I usually end up eating my own words.

Crap! I’ve also said I would never date a short guy….


My 2010 New Year’s Eve Wake-Up Call

I often say that God is in the driver’s seat and I’m just sitting in the passenger side, here for the ride.  But, after dealing with these past few weeks with DC Dude, winding down 2009, maybe I have tried to be in the driver’s seat more often than I thought.

When I think I’ve got it figured out – I don’t.  

When I think I’m in control – I’m not.  

When I think I know what’s going to happen – it doesn’t.

New Year’s Eve for me has been an eye-opening experience.  I knew it was going to be a doozie.  Something in the air was brewing…

My favorite horoscope website had this to say in December:   

The eclipses will evolve you to a new phase, and help you correct imbalances that may have caused you frustration.

Frustration?  That’s an understatement.

As a person, especially one as sensitive as you are, you do take (things) personally. You not only wonder why people are not more receptive of your generosity; you also devote yourself to life, then make value judgments about yourself based on their lack of response.


Here I was, sure that something in my life that was going to go bye-bye, like my job, my car, or DC Dude. I was waiting for something to drop from my life.  Instead, this full-moon eclipse was about me.


My phone rang as I was getting ready to drive upstate NY for the long holiday weekend.  On the phone was my dear friend from Los Angeles, Pamela. It had been a while since we last talked. She was calling me in the middle of the day to talk about the email I just sent her about how DC Dude just wasn’t that into me.  I had been certain of this, because he dropped off the radar after I spent a whole weekend with him in DC and later he told me it was because he had lost his job.

We spoke for about an hour.  She was concerned I was losing sight of my authentic self from all the let-downs I recently had.  She noticed that I had become this person who takes it all personally.  I had developed a quick knee-jerk reaction – quick to shut down, and shut people out.  I wasn’t giving anyone a true chance anymore.  She recognized this, because she had been guilty of the same thing, too.  And, maybe, she was thinking she was the one who had influenced this on me?  

Had she?  

It was true, that at the first sign of trouble, I’m out the door, without even a second glance backwards.  I have become really good at it. But, it wasn’t always like this – this was a skill I had acquired over time.

A few hours later, I receive an email from my dear friend, Kris, and pen-pal from 4th grade.  Kris lives in Wisconsin, married, home-school’s her two daughters, owned a scrap-booking business, a church-goer, and a fabulous person all around in my book.

“Losing a job is one of the major stresses a person can go through – he will not be acting his normal self while going through this.  I have seen this a lot just here in my circle of friends in Wisconsin – husbands who have lost jobs.  It is scary for them!  Even as a friend (romantics aside) now is the time to come along side someone who is hurting and make a difference in their life.  You have an opportunity to show him what God’s love is, caring for someone who is going through a stressful time in their life.  I’m not saying you have to take him in, provide meals for him, etc. – but just be understanding and compassionate towards him.  That is God’s love…not thinking on how you were treated or how you were hurt…but loving others despite that.

Then I heard from my Nashville friend, Kelly.  She definitely had something to say about it, too:

Shit happens. Life gets in the way sometimes.  It’s not intentional.  But you just don’t seem to be willing to bend in that area at all.

So, with all that in mind, as I sit here in upstate New York, next to the wood-burning stove, listening to the wind howl and whip the snow around outside, I’m deep in thought:  My girlfriends are right.

Wow. I feel lighter already and have a sense of clarity.  I feel better now going into 2010.  Not sure what my resolutions will be yet, but I definitely feel like I had a revelation!

One thing I know for sure is that I am ever so thankful for friends that are willing to go outside the box, disagree with me, and give me a bitch-slap whenever I need one…. 

It kind of reminds me of when Cher slapped Nicolas Cage in the movie “Moonstruck.”