I Got Your *ZING-ZING* Right Here!

Okay, I get the chivalry thing and I do expect it from guys if they want to date me, you know, like picking me up for a date and opening doors.  But let me tell you something, nothing turns me off more than a guy who asks permission to kiss me.

For instance, I’m hanging out with a bunch of guys the other night at The Shaskeen, most of them older and married and all them off-duty government employees with badges.


As a single girl who has a lot of girlfriends, it’s nice once in a while to just hang out with the guys, especially older men, because they know how to have fun and still be gentlemen.  In other words, they don’t get their BVD’s all twisted in a bunch just because a tall, attractive red-head is hanging out with them.

This particular night was a blast, because their humor was in full swing that night.  After a few hours of laughing my butt off and watching these guys whoop it up, it was decided that we would go down the street to The Strange Brew.  Not my favorite place to hang out, but who was I to say no?

When I got to the bar, apparently everyone left to go home except me and two other guys.  Out of nowhere, as I was being handed my Jack & Coke, I noticed a cute, short, petite girl had joined us.   I wasn’t quite sure who she was or where she came from.  She just sort of appeared.  Was she the short guy’s girlfriend, friend or what?  Whoever she was, she was a lucky girl, because the short guy, who was completely into her, was super cute and had a killer smile.  So, that left me with the tall guy, who was very nice and fun to talk to but, for me, there was no love connection.  I just wasn’t feeling the spark.

But he wasn’t really picking that up, which was odd, because I’m pretty sure that when two people like each other – it’s not only obvious to the people around them, but it’s obvious to them.

You know, there’s a little flirty-flirt going on…

A subtle touch here…

A lingering look there…

You sit really close to each other…

The chemistry is obvious, and *ZING-ZING!* voila!

But, what about when only one person is feeling the *ZING-ZING!*?  Does only one person know it, or do both?  I know I can tell the signs when someone isn’t into me, so why is it that this guy, and maybe guys in general, can’t see when I’m not into them?  Just because I’m talking to you, doesn’t necessarily mean I’m into you.  In other words, I may like you, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that want to swap spit with you.

I’m pointing this out because by the time the end of the night came, and even though I gave no indication that I was into the tall dude, he asked, “Can I kiss you?” from four feet away.

I know he was trying to be a gentleman, but where is the *ZING-ZING!* in that?  Asking for a kiss?

Look, Hasidic Jews use a sheet with a hole in it to have sex, right?  And, to me, that’s the equivalent of asking permission to kiss a woman – especially from four feet away.  Women want the man to take charge and, in my book, the rule is, “If you have to ask, the answer is going to be no.”

The night ended with me giving the tall guy a ride to his car and again turning him down as he asked me out on a date.  No surprise there, right?

Fast forward two days later…

My brother asks me to be his date for The Shaskeen employee party.  I was delighted because we hardly get to see each other and we really enjoy being together.   At first, I was a little hesitant, because I didn’t know if I could I do another night of drinking so soon.  But, I figured, by the time the party started my liver would have gotten a good 48 hours of rest since the last time I did the Waltz with Jackie.  So, I agreed to go.

A Christmas party definitely requires one to dress up, so I did.  I decided to wear a knee-length, black dress and a yellow cashmere sweater with high heels.   I was conservatively dressed, but the “girls” were definitely out.   (If there is anything that you take from my blog, I hope you learn that men love the conservative/sexy look.)  And, damn, was I rocking the ruffles, cleavage and cashmere.

Even Nathan said I looked really nice when he saw me.


(You know when you are doing something right when you get your brother’s approval – you know is true a compliment.)

The party was great. I spent the evening chatting with The Shaskeen eclectic crew, hung out with my brother, and waltzed with Jackie.  I was definitely having fun.  Shots were definitely in abundance.

Towards the end of the night, four young guys walked in and join our party.  Nathan knew who they were.  (Who doesn’t he know?)  But to me, their crew cuts and muscular build gave them away, as it was obvious to me they were also all off-duty government employees with badges.  (Apparently, there are a lot of them in my town.)  I caught the tallest one in the group looking at me a few times as I was huddled in the corner talking with Nathan.  And, as soon as me and the tall guy caught each others glance, it was on.

Having a little bit too much liquid courage, me and Jackie eventually walked up to the off-duty guys and I introduced myself.  I end up talking to the tall guy who was very handsome and acted more reserved than his friends.  His friends had a touch of the Jersey Shore thing happening, so the fact that the tall, cute guy who had caught my eye was much more quiet than the rest of them, was a good thing in my book.

My conversation with the tall guy continued as we decided to sit at the bar…which brings me back to my previous point about *ZING-ZING* and flirting:

A subtle touch here…

A lingering look there…

Oh, it was on alright.  As we sat at the bar with his friends standing right next to us, the tall dude’s feet happen to be touching mine.  There was very little space for two pairs of long sets of legs, as I tried to cross my legs and squeeze them in between us.   Honestly, I couldn’t tell if my feet were invading his space or if his were invading mine – but we were touching and neither of us moving out of the way.


As the party was ending, tall dude gave me his phone number.  I looked for Nathan, but he was nowhere in sight, so I walked outside with tall dude and his friends.  Then his friend asked if him if he was going home with me or with them.  (Typical Jersey Shore assumption.)  I told them I had to go straight home.

My reply obviously fell on deaf ears, because his friends ended up ditching him as he walked me to my car, so I had to give him a ride.  (I know that this is something a group of girls would never do.  Is this what guys do so they can help their friend get laid? I’ll have to ask Nathan about that one.)

I just went along with it and was kind of glad I got stuck taking him home.

We walked out to where Red Rocket was parked underneath the parking lot light. We both stood there trying to see if we could find his friends, but we weren’t really trying that hard.

And then it happened.

As we were standing face-to-face, we both stopped talking and all I can remember is staring at his beautiful mouth and then we kissed.  It was a wonderful kiss, because it wasn’t like a let-me-thrust-my-tongue-in-your-mouth-to-show-you-how-horny-I-am kiss.  No, it was the kind that was so sweet and sexy, because he took his time, standing there in front of me, so that I could feel his breath on my lips before his lips even touched mine.


As I stood there kissing him in the parking lot, underneath the stupid parking lot light that was illuminating our make-out session, I could hear the other bar patrons as they walked to their cars, but I didn’t care.  There was no way in hell I was going to stop kissing him.

Eventually we got into Red Rocket and I drove him home, which only took about 5 minutes.   But in those 5 minutes, a million thoughts ran through my head.  I had gone a long time without nookie, did I really want to give it up for this hot stud who I didn’t even know?  Nah.  It would have been nice and the thought did run though my head, but knowing how long I had gone, I knew going a little longer wouldn’t kill me.  So, when he invited me to come inside when we got to his house, I declined.


But that didn’t stop us from continuing our major make-out session in my car.  That was fantastic.  It was getting late and I knew that if he was really into me and not just trying to get laid, that he’d be in touch with me again and we could continue this at another time.  So, I wrote my phone number on his arm (to be sure he wouldn’t lose it) and kicked him out of my car.  It was really late and I really had to get home.  But, before leaving, he asked me to text him when I got home.  I told him I would, gave him another kiss and drove off.

Points for him, right?

Yup, I thought so, too.

Days later, it came to no surprise that he never called or responded to my text I sent him that night.


Oh, well.  It was definitely fun.  But, I’m glad I used my better judgment and left when I did.  Besides, if all he was interested in was a one night’er, then I’m all set.  I’m not going to be anyone’s “Tuesday night girl,” even though a lot of women out there are okay with just being that.  Sorry, but a case of Herpes, HPV, or whatever else you can contract while still wearing a condom, just isn’t worth a night of sex to me.  And, I’m certainly better than being your average girl who is on somebody’s roster for a hook-up.  Just take a look at the statistics!  Yup…I’m all set.

Because, I’m better than that.



Someone Left a Note on My Car

I was out at the Shaskeen last night, and ended up meeting a few nice people, which always happens whenever I’m there.  I know I’m biased when it comes to this bar, but it seems like I always meet interesting people who can hold an intelligent conversation. For instance, a few months ago, I met the Chairman of the NH GOP, Wayne MacDonald, and just last weekend I was talking to a wonderful group of guys who were off-duty police officers.

Never a dull moment at the Shaskeen…

Anyway, I ended up staying a few hours after having a shot of Jack Daniels and told my friend Shawn to come join me if he was out and about.  I let him know that I’m at The Shaskeen and send him this text:

CARRIE:  I’m at the front bar.  There’s a really good band playing here tonight.

Unbeknownst to me, after I sent that text and while I was sitting at the bar chatting with a guy and his friend, Shawn had sat down right next to me and was watching me carry on with the two guys.   And, instead of tapping me on the shoulder to let me know he arrived, he starts texting me instead…

   SHAWN:  You’re taller than me sitting down.

   SHAWN:  I’m behind you when you finish.  🙂

   SHAWN:  I’m going to grab your super hero ass in a second.

   SHAWN:  The hair flip was a nice touch.

   SHAWN:  Seems sincere, but the tattoos worry me.

   SHAWN:  That ring is toooooo big.

   SHAWN:  Grande Rojo!!!!!

   SHAWN:  You hungry????

I’m not one of those girls who sits at a bar and then stares into her cell phone all night, so I did notice any of Shawn’s texts.  (Who is going to approach you at a bar if you are engrossed with your cell phone?)

In the middle of a discussion about music with the guys, and giving the plug on my favorite Nashville Rock-a-Billy band, “The Billygoats,” it was only after Shawn’s last text did I check my cell phone.

I read his texts and I immediately turn around and find Shawn sitting right next to me.  This, of course, makes me laugh out loud, because I know he was happily observing the guys hits on me.

Shawn and I chit-chat for a bit and then we leave to go get something to eat down the street at Margarita’s.

After a good talk and catch up over some Mexican food, we leave and I walk back to my car, which was parked directly across the street from the Shaskeen.  When I get to my car I notice this on my car window:

(I blacked out his phone number and name to protect the innocent.)

Now, a few things crossed my mind when I saw this…

First, I thought my friend Shawn was pulling my leg and had left this on my car.  Then I decided it wasn’t him.  But then who?  I was confused, because if someone saw me inside the Shaskeen, then how did they know my car?  And, if they saw me get out of my car and walk into the Shaskeen, why wouldn’t they just come over and talk to me?

This leads me into my next point:  Men, why would you leave an anonymous note on my car and think that cursive handwriting and flattery will provoke a phone call from me?  How do I know you aren’t missing your front tooth and could be weighing in at 300 pounds?  How do I know you are not old enough to be my grandfather?  And, look, if you’re too shy to approach me in person, it means you are hiding something….

(I know it’s a bit much, but I’ve been at this a lot longer than most.)

Now, don’t get me wrong, I think the gesture was very sweet, but it would have been less creepy and more sincere if he just approached me in person.

I’m approachable!

So, those are my thoughts about this anonymous note.  I’m open to any thoughts and suggestions.


PS:  If you do go down to check out The Shaskeen, be sure to check out my beautiful and lovely pansies I planted in the window boxes.  I was appointed the Window Flower Box Director!

Just wait until this summer what magic is going to happen in those window boxes!  Whoop!

Guess Who I Bumped Into Today…

So!  Guess who I bumped into today…

It’s amazing to me that in a town of 110,000 people, the likelihood of  bumping into someone, who you would rather not see ever again, one would think, the odds would be in your favor.

But nooooo…..

Who was it?  I’ll give you a hint:  We had three coffee “dates” and then he decided not to pursue me because when we met on Plenty of Crap,  I was still living in the NYC area, but I was seriously considering moving back to New England.  Thus, my reason for fishing in a New England pond.  This is the same guy who said, while we were sitting in Starbucks: “Basically, call me when you get settled in back here. We’ll keep in touch, but I just can’t date you, unless I know you are 100% available.”

Did you guess Mortgage Guy?  (If you are a new fan, you’ll need to catch up to speed and read (click on the links) Mortgage Guy I, Mortgage Guy II, and Mortgage Guy III.)

I was at Staples today and after spending 20 minutes trying out all their office chairs, I finally found the one.  While I waited for the store clerk to bring out my new chair from the back, I happened to catch a tall guy out from the corner of my eye.  It happened to be Mortgage Guy, and his daughter.

At first I hesitated, because there is that awkward moment when your eyes meet with someone you recognize.  He gave me a weak smile and waved hello, so I did the same, minus the hand gesture.   It was a moment of, hey I know you, but also, I also remember you were a bit of a jerk to me.

So, what was I to do?

Considering it had been about two years since our coffee dates, I decided to take the high road and just gave him a small smile of acknowledgement and then turned around and continued waiting for my new chair.  I certainly wasn’t going to go out of my way to be overly nice to someone who wouldn’t even buy me more than a damn coffee.  What I learned from that was this:  If he couldn’t be bothered with trying to impress me, then I couldn’t be bothered either.

It’s funny how my attitude towards dating and men have changed over the years.   I no longer get excited about bumping into guys like him anymore.   I gave him his chance, and like my brother has always said, “Opportunity, only knocks once.”

I was, however, extremely excited to put my new office chair together and try it out when I got home!  Because there’s nothing like some nice lower-lumbar support to make a girl happy.



Priorities, people.