Do Not Enter!

The challenge to be Penis Free in 2010 is drawing to an end.  And, I have to say, it was a lot easier than I thought it would be.

The suggestion to be Penis Free for a year came from my friend, Beth.  She thought it would be a good New Year’s Eve resolution for 2010.  And you know me, I’m always up for a challenge, so I accepted it even though I honestly didn’t think I’d be able to go a whole entire year without sex.  But, I did, and I have to say, I’m really proud of myself.  I held out!

OK, I need to clarify my “penis free” year. I had sex once with The Architect in April.  Do I regret it?  Absolutely!  For a few different reasons.  First, because I never saw him again after that night.  And second, it would be so much easier to say I’ve been penis free all year long without putting in the disclaimer, “Well, except for that one time with The Architect.” 

Bastard.

A year without sex (except for The Architect) has been a great learning experience.  I found out that it’s not so bad going without it – emotionally, I’m just not built for casual sex.  I wish I could say I was, but I’m not. 

I’m going back to basics, people!  Dating should not involve sex!

The past few years, I have really been hell-bent on dating only “good guys,” and I try to weed out the “bad boys” as best as possible.  Those are the boys who just want to get laid.  I thought The Architect was one of the good guys, and dating him made me realize that the four to six week wait-period still isn’t long enough to get to know someone. He really was the final straw in my decision to stay celibate. Call me old-fashioned, but if I had waited a little while longer, I probably would have realized that he wasn’t going to stick around – and even though he said he wanted a long-term relationship, clearly he didn’t. He just liked the thrill of the hunt. 

Lesson learned.

So, now I’m back to where I used to be – holding out for a guy that means business, and putting the value back on sex.  I’ve decided that I’m not giving it up for anyone unless I know for sure he’s looking at a long-term committed relationship.

Look, dating is stressful.  I have to think about if I need to wax, did my condoms expire yet…do I need to buy new condoms?  What happens if the  condom breaks – that could lead to an STD, or I could get pregnant! Because we all know it happens!  

Being careful isn’t enough these days, I need a partner who I can trust through the good, the bad and the ugly.  Shit happens.  I don’t want to have to worry about all that, nor do I want to worry if the guy is going to break up with me after we have sex.  Seriously, if any guys are reading this I’m speaking for all the women out there: Breaking up after you’ve had sex is like being kicked in the teeth.  Plus it’s just down-right mean.

I have been dating here and there, but I still haven’t found any “zing” with anyone…I can’t even get past three dates before I’m reaching for the good ol’ eject button.  Hell, I can’t even find anything to blog about with these guys.  They are all very nice, and look great on paper, but I’m just bored.  They are boring. They don’t make me laugh – and I certainly don’t look at them in a sexual light.  There’s no pizazz, no zing, no pull.  ZERO.  At the end of the date, dude kisses me good-bye, and I’m either being licked or I’m having a pierced tongue shoved in my mouth without some sort of disclaimer during the date like, “Hey, how do you feel about piercings, because my tongue is pierced.” Yuck. Not cute! 

Has kissing become a long lost art now, too…??

And while I’m up on my soap box whining and bitching, let me throw in another problem I have with dating:  Guys can’t make any decisions on their own.  Make a decision for God’s sake!  Tell me what time you are picking me up.  Tell me the restaurant we are going to go to.  Just surprise me!  Put some effort into making the date memorable.  Women love to be taken care of – we love it when our date makes all the plans and all we have to do is show up.  Guys, it makes us feel special…  Make a woman feel like she matters and you’ve won half the battle!

OK, I’m done bitching now.

So, there we have it.  The count-down to New Year’s Eve has begun, and Santa, if you’re reading this, I’ve been a real good girl.  I’ve been kind to others.  I’ve been there for my family and friends when they needed me.  I  even adopted an a three-year old dog who was in need of a good home.  I have been a good sport on all my dates, and not once was I ever bitchy to them.  So, this year, I’m not going to go overboard and ask for something silly…like a boyfriend. No, Santa, I’d be happy with just having those winning lottery numbers!

Ya-hooie!

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