One of my girlfriends sent this to me the other day.  She knew I would get a giggle out of it, so as a good blogger should, I’m going to share it.

Here it is in all its glory:

I realize that this is painful – to all of us, but I think it’s important to point out the obvious and hope that someone, somewhere will read this and maybe learn from this guy’s lame attempt to win over my friend.

Where do I begin?

*CRACKS KNUCKLES*

#1  TRY NOT TO SOUND LIKE A USED CAR SALESMAN: 

Nobody, and I mean nobody, likes a used car salesman.  I have my mother to thank for that one – she thinks that everyone is a salesman and reminds me of this all the time and 98% of the time she’s right.  He really should have left out his comment, “I have been in Playgirl and few hundred other professional nude publications worldwide.”   He should have stopped with “I am a single Dad.”   And by the way, exactly how many nude publications are there?  A few hundred?  Somehow, I doubt it.  Clearly, this guy has got some phony-baloney going on.   Mom would never approve of this.

#2  TRY NOT TO SOUND ARROGANT:

“Obviously, you are very beautiful and receive many messages. Despite that, I think I am a cut above the rest.”

Whoa….I think the shovel just broke.  Isn’t the receiver supposed to determine if he is a cut above the rest  or not?  Where is this man’s humility?  And, how is it that… *checks his age* …at 34-years old, he doesn’t know how to introduce himself to someone he is trying to win over?  How?

#3  NEVER, AND I MEAN EVER, ADMIT THAT YOU ARE A MALE MODEL:

Unless you are blessed with having the glorious names of the following:

or

or

or

And finally…

#4  ONLY POST SMILING PICTURES OF YOURSELF:  Otherwise you come off looking like a miserable person, a stalker, or someone who has bad teeth – or all of the above.

#5  USE A PICTURE THAT LOOKS REALISTIC:  Is it me, or does his picture look like a school picture?  He’s not smiling and it was taken indoors.  If he’s a model, why isn’t he using one of his photos from his hundreds of publications?  To me, that alone, is totally suspect.

This poor sap never even got a reply from my friend.  He never even had a chance because…and I mean, really, he might as well have said, “I’m a model, so therefore, you should not only lust after me, but also give me first dibs, because I’m awesome.”

Boys….

NEXT!