Remember our bitter friend who wrote that atrocious Plenty of Fish dating profile, “The Best Bitter Plenty of Fish Profile“?  Apparently, she didn’t have much luck with the original, so she came up with a new profile–same message, just different wording:

Looking for an honest, clean man who doesn’t look like Mr. Clean. Sorry, but bald does NOT do it for me. No hair, no response. Not looking for a friend with benefits, looking for a friend with class, integrity, ethics, loyalty, humor, and once again, hair. A guy who likes to stay fit and active, lives a healthy lifestyle, and likes do fun things. A guy not hung up on himself or obsessed with his career and worldly possessions. A guy who works to live, not lives to work. I am finally free as a butterfly and I am not looking for a stifling commitment by any means, but I certainly will not share a man with another woman or women. I have too much dignity and self-respect for that and I’m looking for a guy with integrity who’s looking for the same. Not interested in mama’s boys, drunks, or sports fanatics. Mutual chemistry is an absolute must and I will not settle for less.

No picture then I will rightfully assume your are an adulterer or scuz and I want no part of either.

NO PICTURE, NO BALLS, NO HAIR, NO RESPONSE! NO RESPONSE, NO INTEREST!

Please do not waste my precious time or yours writing me to give me your unsolicited advice and/or opinion of my profile. I don’t need or want your two cents. I want to attract a real man with a backbone and a sense of humor, not a boring wus, so my profile is as I want it.

First Date Something fun and spontaneous, not too fussy. I wish I lived during the good old days when romancing a woman meant something and dating wasn’t just a means to an end. Remember, it’s not how much you spend on the date, it’s how well you spend it.

Dating a real woman is a lot different from a fake whore. It may be harder with a decent women in the beginning, but it will get easier once you prove yourself to her. In contrast, it’s very easy with a dirty whore in the beginning, but as you guys all know too well, it only gets harder and harder.

That was a few months ago.  I guess she had the same outcome, because it has been revised again.  And, again, it’s an epic fail.  If she doesn’t shape up soon, this will be her:

If I was her dating coach, this is what I would have recommended for edits:

Trying to start a new year off on a positive note, so please read my profile to see what I am looking for before you waste your time and mine. I am looking for the right man who clicks with me. If he’s right, I’ll know it when I see him. Not looking for someone to control me, nor do I desire to control anyone. I like my space and value my freedom. I am very active and would like to find someone with a similar energy level. Someone fit, who loves the beach and outdoors, loud concerts, campfires, and just being content doing nothing with me. ¶I’ve been a long–distance runner all of my life.  I’m not necessarily looking for a running partner, as that is my solace, but I wouldn’t mind a challenge here and there.  I love trail running, especially in the fall.  You never ever have to twist my arm to go to the beach or jump in the ocean. I absolutely love boogie boarding.  I like my music full blast! Got to be able to handle that and my singing!   Sarcasm is my specialty and you must have a thick skin and great sense of humor to click with this Gemini free spirit.  Music, food, and photography are my passions.  ¶I like to keep up on current events and need a man who can not only keep up with me physically, but mentally as well. I like engaging conversation with substance. not style.I want someone who will listen to me and not just hear me. Mama’s boys turn me right off and I’ve found that many men have their sisters as surrogate mothers these days. I am 100% Italian and family is paramount to me.but I know too well about mama’s boys and Peter Pans.At some point in your life you have to grow up and cut the apron strings and put a good woman first in your life. That is no disrespect to your mother or sister, it’s being real man. I admire hard workers, but abhor workaholics. There needs to be a balance in life. A man can have all the riches his career can afford him, but if he has no family of his own who love him to surround him on his deathbed, he will die a complete and total failure in life. I know what I’m looking for and won’t settle for less. Drunks need not apply!

To add insult to injury, she changed her profile name and uses a not-so-nice reference about her ex-husband.  She just can’t get out of her own way.  Seriously, I don’t know if I want to slap this woman or hug her.

MORAL OF THE STORY:  If you are that bitter about your divorce, then go get therapy.  It’s that simple.  Go fix yourself.   Do not pass “Go,” do not collect two-hundred dollars, and certainly, do not even bother with dating until you deal with your anger issues.  It’s women like Bitter Betty who need to be taken down a few notches, by having a therapist help them take a long hard look at themselves, so that they can join the rest of us here who live in reality.

~Carrie