My Ovaries Are Just Fine!

I have come to the conclusion that if Plenty of Crap and Match from Hell are what I have left to choose from in the dating world, then I’m going to die alone! ALONE! Well, unless I move away from NY/NJ – then I might have a better chance at finding someone decent, but until then – the prospects horrify me!

I’ve kept a profile on both websites (they are both pretty freaking awesome, too, if you ask me), but I keep my one hidden when I’m not a member and here’s why.  Match from Hell likes to mess with you.  If you cancel your membership and don’t hide your profile they will sucker you right back into paying to become a member again. It’s not cheap and, trust me, you’ll fall for it!

This is how they do it.  If you cancel your membership, people can still email you, but you can’t read what they wrote AND more importantly WHO wrote it. That’s how Match gets you. You’ll get an email that says this: “Carrie SOMEONE EMAILED YOU…..HE MIGHT BE THE ONE!”

Here, I’ll show you: Someone Has Emailed You! …and He Might Just Be The OneSomething about you caught his eye.He has already expressed interest, find out who he is! You have 6 unread emails.Hurry… Find Out Who Emailed You and Connect Today!

HURRY!  HURRY, and connect today!

“Connect today”….sign back up and pay for the service, because you can’t even read their emails if you are not a member. 

Sneaky bastards.

For the record, I fell for that once. ONCE!  I signed up again, paid and when I opened the email, the guy looked like this:

That’s all it took a, “Hey Carrie, you’ve got new email!”  I was so pissed off with myself that I got suckered into signing up for another three months of pure torture!  And, I paid money for that!

But the other day, I noticed a little promotional button that said I could sign up for a FREE three-day membership. Woo-hoo!


Once I signed back up and made my profile visible again, the emails started to pour in. One of the first emails that came in was from a guy who was only 5’7″.  God bless! Did he not notice the sign? I swear to God, this is what it says on my profile – the HEADING OF MY PROFILE!

——-You Must Be This Tall to Ride This Ride———–

No joke.  It’s on there.

But, this is not what inspired me to write this post. I’m really writing because I got an email from a guy (Lenny Kravitz) who I met on Match from Hell a few years ago. Apparently, he’s still single (no surprise there) and he’s back on Match where I met him.

I was shocked to see you on here. I was actually talking about you with my best friend just the other night along the subject of what an idiot I am. Also women with awesome cars came up. How’s the red rocket doing?”

Here’s my dilemma. I only dated him for a few months.  He was younger than me – seven years younger to be exact.  I didn’t mind that he was younger, but eventually it bothered him, because one night,  as we were hanging out at my apartment, I noticed he was acting weird.  When I confronted him, he blurted out, “Carrie I really want kids, and by the time I am ready to have them, your ovaries will be too old.” 

Nice, right?  

How about, “Hey Carrie, this relationship isn’t working out for me anymore.”  


“Hey Carrie, I’m not feeling this relationship anymore.”

Anything, but that! 

I was beside myself – and I think for once I was speechless.





I’m pretty sure that was possibly the worst thing that anyone has ever said to me. It was downright mean.  It hurt my feelings.  This was two years ago! I was 37 or 38!  Geeze!  We were JUST DATING!  I didn’t even have future plans in mind with him. 

That night he said those words to me, I decided he had to go, and I mean permanently go!  No chance of staying friends. No way.  Lose my number, don’t ever call me again.  I didn’t spazz out or anything, but rather I smiled and showed him the door. 

So, it was no surprise when I got his email, because like all boys – they eventually figure out what they lost and they try to come back around.  And he tried – especially during the first 6 months after his comments about my ovaries.  But, I’m a stubborn red head…so I ignored his texts.  Yes, that included the nice texts, the angry texts, the frustrated texts – all of them. My favorite was the one he sent me at Christmas:

“Hey Carrie, I know you hate me now, but Merry Christmas anyway.”

Why did I ignore him?  Because I believe that a man who is sincerely apologetic, should pick up the phone and call.  He didn’t.  He only sent texts.

A real man would call.

Boys hide behind their texts.

So, here I am thinking that nothing will come out of this if I respond to his email.  After all, this is about him.  Am I wrong here?  I know his type:  Insecure and eager to tell me all about how well he’s doing – his new job in New York City, his new apartment – and he’s also thinking in the back of his head that there’s a possibility of make-up sex.  He just wants to be validated and told he wasn’t a bad guy after all.

Well, he was a bad guy and I forgot about him a year and a half ago.

He’s a day late, and a dollar short!  So, I guess I’m going to ignore him one more time!  No Answer is Your Answer!


PS:  Justin Matisse, I’m still waiting!

3 thoughts on “My Ovaries Are Just Fine!

  1. Oh girlfriend, you and I need to trade stories! And by the way, I moved out of NJ because of a “boy” and still find more in PA. It doesn’t matter where you go, they are still around!

  2. Pingback: Why Nicknames Are Necessary « The Redheaded Writer

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