Dear Dating Gods…

Dear Dating Gods:

I’ll be honest with you, I’m not sure how much longer I can go penis free…  I’m really starting to climb the walls here. After all, I am in my “prime” you know!

Look, you know I’m really Hell-bent on doing the right thing for myself and I want to set the example for others, but…I don’t know how much longer I can hold out!

I’ve been staying away from all the temptation, well, not that it hasn’t been all that hard.  No dates recently, and I just recently cleared the playing field to start the New Year off right, even though there was only two contestants. I just wasn’t into them.  So, they got the boot and the “I’m just not feeling the chemistry,” speech.

For research reasons, and for entertainment value, I’m still on-and-off Plenty of Crap and Match from Hell.  Most people would think it’s a waste of time, but I have definitely scored ideas on what I want to write about in a book. I’ve had guys on there interested in me, but they fall short in so many ways (too many to list here) and nobody has been able to fill the shoes of the guy I sorely deserve.

Indeed, I have set the bar high. Screw it. I know what I want, and I’m not going to lower my standards just so I don’t have to be ALONE anymore.  Most women would, but I’m not most women.  And Dating Gods, it does bother me that women do this, and again, I’m just trying to set the example here. Like Gandhi said, “Be the change you want to see in the world.”  So, I’m trying!  My choices may not be the most popular, but I know they are right for me.

Having said all of that I would like to know, if it’s not too much to ask for….could you please send Alexander Scarsgard my way?  He would definitely fit the bill!

Thank you, Dating Gods, I REALLY appreciate it!


Hell ya, I’m aiming high!  I just watched back-to-back episodes of HBO’s “Generation Kill” and ladies, I don’t know about you, but it was like porn to me! 

Ay dios mío!

Seriously, just like a drug, as soon as one episode was over, I was clicking onto the next.  When the DVD ended, I immediately stuffed it in the Netflix envelope and ran it out to the mailbox before the mailman got there, just to ensure I got the next one as soon as possible.

That’s what a drug addict does, right?  Frantically searches for their next fix? Well, that’s been me then.  Frantic, tail-feathers rustled, pining to see more hot marines – dirty, sweaty men…carrying their M16’s…

Yes, I know, it’s the short hair, the muscles, the tattoos, the guns…their ability to be respectful even when they disagree – it’s their integrity, their guts, their selflessness, their brazenness, their commitment…do you see where I’m going here?  Give me a guy who has those attributes, and I’ll show you a girl who’s in love.

(That would be me.)

OK, maybe dude doesn’t have to own or carry a gun, but I can dream, right?  I mean, guys like big boobs and long legs on girls, why can’t I have a guy that knows how to use a firearm?  It’s a turn-on, and any girl who says that it isn’t – has never dated a man who carries a gun.

How about dating a cop, you ask?  I already dated two.  I’m not saying that all cops are crazy…but I’ll just play it safe here and say they are just not for me.  One dude was definitely bat-shit crazy, and the other was already married…to his job.  Noble of him, but that just didn’t work for me, however, we still remain friends.


It’s always good to have a NYC cop in your back pocket for those times when you just might need to use that “Get Out of Jail Free” card…otherwise known in NYC as a PBA card. I have four.


Which, reminds me…I need my new one for 2011.  Looks like I will be taking a trip downtown to see my Undercover Brother.  *Ding!*  Or maybe I just need to send out the bat signal.

OK, enough about the cop.

Back to the marines….

What’s there not to love?

One thought on “Dear Dating Gods…

  1. Pingback: Beef Cake: Part 1 « The Redheaded Writer

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