Beef Cake: Part 1

I know you all have been waiting for a new blog and you’ve probably been wondering what’s been going on with me lately, but you know how it is when you have something GOOD going on, and you don’t want to talk about it just in case you jinx it!  Well, I didn’t want to jinx THIS!

Today, February 15th, is a very important day for me, because today, I am finally meeting Beef Cake who, believe it or not, I met on Plenty of Crap-o-La six long weeks ago.

This is how I met Beef Cake: I was on POF helping my friend, with his profile reviewing with him his potential dating candidates.  Looking at profiles for my friend made me curious to see if there was any “new blood” out there for me. So, of course I went fishing. Reading those profiles, as painful as it can be sometimes, is still entertaining.  Funny, painful, entertaining…take your pick, but then I stumbled across this one profile that totally grabbed my attention. OK, let me clarify that…the picture of the tan and tattooed guy wading into the water in his bathing suit, caught my attention.  (Yes, I am shallow like that.  But dammit, I’m human, and might I also remind you that I’m a woman of a certain age, with certain needs that haven’t been met in a long, long, long, long time.)  So, naturally, yes, the good-looking, tan guy with  tattoos, muscles, a beautiful tan, muscles, tattoos, tattoos, sexy tattoos… going to grab my attention!

At least I’m honest!

This guy’s profile didn’t say too much about him, but his stats were pretty much what I was looking for.  He was age appropriate (40-years old), handsome (as far as I could tell), and tall enough….and had a hankering for ice cream!

*Thumb up!*

But then I realized he lived 1.5 hours away…..

*Thumb down!*

I couldn’t believe it.  Just my luck. The one guy who I thought had any potential and who really caught my attention would have to live 1.5 hours away. I was crushed. For a second, I  really though that The Dating Gods had answered my prayers.  

Discouraged and irritated, I did something I personally never do – and went against everything I preach:  I emailed him first!


January 6, 2011

Oh, for Pete’s sake! Of course, the one guy who remotely catches my eye would live 1.5 hours away! (That would be you.) 

It figures…!

*smacks head*

Anyway, I have four words for you: Ben & Jerry’s Pumpkin Cheesecake.


Dear Carrie:

Thank you for making contact. Writer? You have my interest. Are you on retreat? Who are you reading now? I’m into Thomas Pynchon’s most recent novel Against the Day, but I read a wide variety of authors. No fluff please, however, if it doesn’t make me think or challenge me on some level, I’m all set.

The distance thing sucks, but I’m cool with starting as pen pals.

So POF is crazy. May I vent? I don’t know what you’re dealing with on your end, but I’m getting a lot of attention from sometimes leathery and often frightening women. I had one yesterday LUVYOUNGMEN or something like that, who opened right away with, “Please call me on the phone or chat,” and included her number and various IM screen names. I assume she also would have accepted a fax. Her main profile picture is literally just a shot of her cleavage. Then there’s this girl from Meriden who ends every single sentence with multiple exclamation points.
 I’ve emailed back and forth with her a couple of times and then she asked me out for tomorrow night.  No phone contact or anything. I never knew it was possible for someone to become clingy over the course of three emails. She must have this stuff forwarded to her phone, because every time I’ve written her she has written me back within three minutes.  I told her I was busy – my friend invited me over to his house for steak night.  Anyway, I email this to the girl and she writes back and I quote, “Darn!!! I missed out for Friday??? I like steak!!!  And I hang great with guys!!!  LMAO!!!!”

Deep breath. Then there’s the clearly insane forty-something year-old Asian woman who emailed me – her pictures are her in Frederick’s red lingerie and then one in a skintight mini-dress and heels holding some kind of Samurai sword. She unsurprisingly isn’t seeking a relationship or any kind of commitment. There are a couple of women I just said “Hi” back to and who have since written me two or three more times, as if their previous messages had become inexplicably lost in cyberspace on the way to me. So, I guess it is entertaining; I try and take it with a grain of salt.

Do you remember Ben N Jerry’s Makin’ Whoopie Pie? I would take it out and let it sit on the counter, get a little melty; you know the consistency, eat maybe a fourth of the pint and put it back. I’d be going about whatever I was doing and apparently the heroin or crack or whatever they fortified it with, would call that particular center of my brain and back to the freezer I’d go. I’d do that two, three times and then just give up and smash it to the bottom of the pint. All this ice cream talk aside I am in good shape, and work to stay there. I just don’t let it control my ice cream habit.  🙂

Well, that was more long-winded than I anticipated.

Catch you soon…


He did sign his name, but I purposefully left it off, because remember…

We don’t name the puppy  or mention his name, unless we know we are going to keep the puppy.  (For obvious reasons, I nicknamed the new puppy, “Beef Cake.”)

Beef Cake and I went back and forth with several emails, and he always signed off every email with the phrase, “Catch you soon.”  I liked it.  It was a nice touch, and it made me smile every time I read it.

This is how it all started – with emailing – simple, long, honest, emails – and when I say “long” I mean LONG!  It was a good sign.  We had a lot to discuss, but we never really spoke about the obvious stuff people usually like to talk about like past relationships, etc. No, he was a little more tactful than that, which didn’t go unappreciated by me.  After all, being on the dating circuit for years, one can get a little tired of hearing about other people’s life stories and then having to participate in playing “Twenty Questions.”  Dating shouldn’t feel like a dang interview!

For the first four weeks, we would send each other an email every day. I’ll admit, it made my day, every day.  It was so nice to wake up every morning knowing that I would have a beautifully written new email from him.  

He clearly knew what he was doing.  He was taking his time and seduced me with his detailed stories and vast vocabulary skills.  (Throw a word at me that I don’t know the meaning of, and I swear it makes my heart beat a little faster.)

After a month, and a hundred or so emails later, we finally agreed to exchange phone numbers.  FINALLY! Beef Cake would call me a few times a day, and we would talk and talk.  He was easy – an open book and interesting. On one particular evening, we  actually ended up talking for five hours.  



A few days later, after sharing with him a stressful situation I was dealing with, Beef Cake was thoughtful enough to send me care package in the mail.  In the box were all lavender-scented products. I couldn’t believe it.  When was the last time I had received a gift from a guy?!  Who does this?  Oh, that’s right, I know, someone who isn’t jaded by today’s dating world because he is fresh out of a 10-year relationship!

He wasn’t jaded like everyone else!  

He still knew a woman’s worth!

He still knew how to pursue a woman in the right way.

He was scoring big points. 


So, here we are, the day after Valentine’s Day and Beef Cake and I  are ready to meet for the first time.  We’ve been planning this for the past two weeks and I’m glad we waited this long, although I have to admit that it hasn’t been easy, but I was determined to go by my own advice! Take your time, don’t rush into things – that’s what I’m always preaching, isn’t it?

At the six week mark of pure talking and emailing, and the exchange of numerous (of course PG rated) photos and stories, we are now more than ready to meet.   I’m nervous and anxious, but I’m more than ready to go through with our all-day date we have planned, which is meeting at the half-way mark in the Berkshire Mountains. 

Wish me luck!

 (What? Did you really think I wouldn’t show you a picture of Beef Cake?)


4 thoughts on “Beef Cake: Part 1

  1. Pingback: Beef Cake: Part 2 « The Redheaded Writer

  2. Pingback: Guy Smiley – Oh, the Humiliation! « The Redheaded Writer

  3. Pingback: Why Nicknames Are Necessary –

  4. Pingback: Guy Smiley – Oh, the Humiliation! –

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