There I was trying to take an honest break from Match.com. My profile had been hidden for a good week and a half – I’d had enough. I just wanted to focus on the holidays and spend some quality time with my friends and family.
I had no time to date, I had plans for the next six weekends in a row!
In a row!
Who’s got time to date?
But, then, in a weak moment, a weak and bored moment, I made my profile visible on Match.com. And, as usual, I got flooded with emails.
Only one guy stood out more than the rest: Great profile – well written (which always scores HUGE points with me), a contagious smile and beautiful blue eyes.
We exchange emails for a day then we quickly graduated to phone calls.
He had a nice manly voice and a strong confident attitude. Things were looking good. Just one problem: He lived in Washington, DC.
What am I doing???!!! Washington, DC is definitely geographically undesirable!
But the chemistry was palpable and we just couldn’t get enough of each other. We spent hours talking on the phone. Any chance we got, before work, during work or after work; we called each other. We both felt the chemistry. No bullshit, no games – just straight talk.
I was hot for DC Dude!
Just after a week on talking on the phone we made plans to meet in person, which meant that I was going to have to cancel one of my weekend plans. Unfortunately, I had to cancel the chick’s annual Christmas Party at the Hen House. I felt really bad about not going, but I had to find out if this chemistry between DC Dude and I was real or not, or was it just something that existed just on the phone?
For the next week every morning DC Dude would text me: “Good morning!!! Only six more wake-ups!” sometimes at 5:30AM! I was so excited that I practically skipped into my office every morning.
Had it not been for his charismatic personality, I probably would have passed him over in a line-up. He really wasn’t my type – but, did I even know what my type was anymore? I had run the gamut….everything except short.
I just can’t do short. CAN’T!
He was bald – it didn’t matter.
He was younger than me – it didn’t matter.
He lived 3.5 hours away from me – it didn’t matter.
He had the same name as my ex-boyfriend…..Oh, God that mattered.
But, I got over it.
DC Dude understood me. He got me. He saw the same things in me that my girlfriends did. That meant a lot to me.
He gave excellent advice – and loved my blog. Yes, not only did I tell him about my blog, but he read it! And, you know, I never tell guys about my blog!
He genuinely took an interest in me, which meant a lot and as an avid reader himself, he suggested, “The War of Art,” which is now one of my favorite books.
(An excellent read and I HIGHLY recommend it for anyone who struggles with their creative side.)
After devouring the book, it now goes wherever I go – I’ve even started re-reading it for the second time. I even sleep with the dang book in my bed. It’s my security blanket, my reminder that I am a writer – no matter what.
Our weekend arrives and I drive the 3.5 hours to DC. I was nervous. This could make us, or break us. The “what if’s” were making my head spin, but I had a lot of faith in God. If it wasn’t him, then it will be the next guy.
First night was great – he looked a little different than his photo’s, but who doesn’t? Hell – he could have been missing an arm and I wouldn’t have noticed. Good people are hard to find, and chemistry is even harder. I felt I had found both.
The weekend had a good start. He was kind, sweet, considerate – very considerate. But then, I started to notice he was becoming withdrawn – I was having a hard time talking with him. Great, I travel 250 miles, spend countless hours on the phone getting to this point and now he’s withdrawing?
I was having a great time. How could he not be happy? We woke up and it had been snowing outside his Georgetown apartment, as the weather report predicted two feet of snow – a blizzard that would white-out our whole weekend together. How magical is that?! Everyone knows there’s no crying in baseball and you can’t be in a bad mood when it’s snowing outside!!!!!
(That was the view from his apartment Saturday morning!)
Saturday morning, DC’s friend came over, and we decided to go for a walk in the fresh snow, then breakfast.
After breakfast, we took a drive to go see the monuments, which was right down the street from us. Snow was everywhere – tons of it, and nobody was on the roads because of the blizzard. It was perfect, except for the fact that DC was still being pretty quiet – but holding my hand everywhere we went and remained very considerate helping me over the snow banks when we crossed the street.
We stopped at a local fresh food market to buy Christmas wreaths for DC Dude’s apartment windows. He really wanted to give his neighborhood some Christmas spirit, because, as he had pointed out earlier, there wasn’t one single Christmas light, or wreath, anywhere.
We approached a guy selling Christmas trees and wreaths. DC asked for three wreaths and almost ended up paying $20 each. I stepped in and haggled with the guy. We got three for $45, instead of $60. Clearly, something else was on his mind. Sixty bucks for three wreaths? What was he thinking?! (I really wanted to offer the guy $10 each, but I didn’t want to look too pushy in front of my date.)
We put the wreaths into the trunk of the car, then we were off to see the White House!!!! There was probably at least 10″ of snow on the ground by then, and it didn’t look like it was stopping anytime soon. I couldn’t be happier. I was walking hand-in-hand with a great guy on a beautiful, snowy day.
Next, we stopped at a cheese shop called, The Cowgirl Creamery.
The aroma of this place was to die for. We sampled a few different kinds of cheese from all over the world. DC bought my favorite, which was a creamy cheese from Holland with chocolate truffle slivers in it. He bought a nice cheddar. I was in Heaven.
Next, we went to CVS to buy the lights and bows for the wreaths, hung them up in the windows, lit some candles and opened the cheese and a bottle of red wine. I was happier than a pig in poop!!!
Sunday came, and I couldn’t ignore his distance anymore, so I tried to talk to him about it. He had me thinking, based upon how quiet he was being, that he wasn’t into me for some reason. I was so hurt by this, because I couldn’t understand why he wouldn’t be into me.
For well over an hour we sat in his living room talking. He said he was being distant because he got some bad news before I arrived for the weekend that he might be losing his job. Monday morning, he would know if he still had a job or not.
But, really? So, even though you can’t do anything about it right now, you are going to ruin our time together?
I just drove 250 miles!!!! I’m here now….I’m present, and you are not! Shit happens in life – please don’t screw this up with me…was all I could think about.
But, he didn’t get it. He looked at me like a deer in the headlights. He was consumed or just not that into me and maybe using this as an excuse. I couldn’t tell because he just wouldn’t talk to me about and he certainly didn’t try to reassure me.
I was feeling unwanted and uncomfortable, and I was about to leave after our conversation, but another one of his friends showed up at his apartment and asked us both to brunch. So, I go, hoping that a little food and a Mimosa might help our situation.
I meet his Sunday brunch friends. They were cool, much like my girlfriends, but I still wasn’t feeling the love from him. He was closed off. Emotionally unavailable. Boy, do I know how to pick them!
I leave right after we eat. He gives me directions and a quick hug and kiss good-bye. I had 3.5 hour drive to think about the whole weekend. I couldn’t believe it. We had a connection. Where did it disappear to?
Tuesday, he called to let me know that he was able to keep his job and I was elated for him. A big relief. Great, so what about us? He still kept his distance over the next few days. How do you go from talking three times a day to zero. ZERO!
Ironically, my horoscope for the day said, “Instead of pushing for closure now, work at becoming more comfortable with the unknown.” Right! Sorry, but I’m not good with the “unknown.”
The “unknown” was consuming me, and I needed closure, because why would I want to be involved with someone who could easily shut me out – especially in a vital time like this? How could he not share an important part of his life, like losing his job with me? This wasn’t how you treat the girl you like and this is not how you treat a friend.
I went to the Honorable Judge Nathan (my brother) with my dilemma, and even brought it to the High Court of Mom. However, even with their input, I just felt that he wasn’t into me for whatever reason.
I was crushed.
*BIG SAD FACE*
It had been almost a week after I’d seen DC Dude. I was in New Hampshire for Christmas and had just left my friend Denise’s house after having a glass of wine with her. I decided enough was enough. Enough of this charade and mixed signals! DC Dude needed to be up front with me.
As soon as I get into Red Rocket I called him – and called him out on it. I told him that if he wasn’t into me, then he just needed to be honest with me and let me know. He barely said two words in the conversation and that was enough for me. We said good-bye and that was that.
I disconnect our call and my phone lights up with a text. Oh, my God, it’s The Senator! My wonderful lover, who decided to go get himself a girlfriend.
(Why do people do that?! We only got to see each other twice! DAMMIT!)
Senator: “Hey, me and my brother were just at the Wild Rover looking for you.”
Really? Impeccable timing. I’d love to see you. Sounds fun, I’ll be down there in 30 minutes. Hookah bar? Yes. Save some for me, I’m having a bad night.
So, as my crazy life would have it, I sat there with The Senator and his brother, smoking hookah at a cool new bar. Yes, I was genuinely happy to see him, and happy that he was happy with his new girlfriend. I knew she was a better match for him, than I was. He was a good man and deserved happiness.
I found comfort in The Senator, because he could tell me anything and likewise. I ended up telling him about DC Dude charade and like anyone who knows me, he was also surprised to hear that DC Dude let me go so easily.
As I sat there getting high off of the hookah and enjoying The Senator’s company, I smiled to myself as remembered my brother’s advice: “You gotta treat life as a comedy. Getting angry won’t get you anywhere. Laughing however…”