I often say that God is in the driver’s seat and I’m just sitting in the passenger side, here for the ride. But, after dealing with these past few weeks with DC Dude, winding down 2009, maybe I have tried to be in the driver’s seat more often than I thought.
When I think I’ve got it figured out – I don’t.
When I think I’m in control – I’m not.
When I think I know what’s going to happen – it doesn’t.
New Year’s Eve for me has been an eye-opening experience. I knew it was going to be a doozie. Something in the air was brewing…
My favorite horoscope website www.astrolgoyzone.com had this to say in December:
The eclipses will evolve you to a new phase, and help you correct imbalances that may have caused you frustration.
Frustration? That’s an understatement.
As a person, especially one as sensitive as you are, you do take (things) personally. You not only wonder why people are not more receptive of your generosity; you also devote yourself to life, then make value judgments about yourself based on their lack of response.
Here I was, sure that something in my life that was going to go bye-bye, like my job, my car, or DC Dude. I was waiting for something to drop from my life. Instead, this full-moon eclipse was about me.
My phone rang as I was getting ready to drive upstate NY for the long holiday weekend. On the phone was my dear friend from Los Angeles, Pamela. It had been a while since we last talked. She was calling me in the middle of the day to talk about the email I just sent her about how DC Dude just wasn’t that into me. I had been certain of this, because he dropped off the radar after I spent a whole weekend with him in DC and later he told me it was because he had lost his job.
We spoke for about an hour. She was concerned I was losing sight of my authentic self from all the let-downs I recently had. She noticed that I had become this person who takes it all personally. I had developed a quick knee-jerk reaction – quick to shut down, and shut people out. I wasn’t giving anyone a true chance anymore. She recognized this, because she had been guilty of the same thing, too. And, maybe, she was thinking she was the one who had influenced this on me?
It was true, that at the first sign of trouble, I’m out the door, without even a second glance backwards. I have become really good at it. But, it wasn’t always like this – this was a skill I had acquired over time.
A few hours later, I receive an email from my dear friend, Kris, and pen-pal from 4th grade. Kris lives in Wisconsin, married, home-school’s her two daughters, owned a scrap-booking business, a church-goer, and a fabulous person all around in my book.
“Losing a job is one of the major stresses a person can go through – he will not be acting his normal self while going through this. I have seen this a lot just here in my circle of friends in Wisconsin – husbands who have lost jobs. It is scary for them! Even as a friend (romantics aside) now is the time to come along side someone who is hurting and make a difference in their life. You have an opportunity to show him what God’s love is, caring for someone who is going through a stressful time in their life. I’m not saying you have to take him in, provide meals for him, etc. – but just be understanding and compassionate towards him. That is God’s love…not thinking on how you were treated or how you were hurt…but loving others despite that.
Then I heard from my Nashville friend, Kelly. She definitely had something to say about it, too:
Shit happens. Life gets in the way sometimes. It’s not intentional. But you just don’t seem to be willing to bend in that area at all.
So, with all that in mind, as I sit here in upstate New York, next to the wood-burning stove, listening to the wind howl and whip the snow around outside, I’m deep in thought: My girlfriends are right.
Wow. I feel lighter already and have a sense of clarity. I feel better now going into 2010. Not sure what my resolutions will be yet, but I definitely feel like I had a revelation!
One thing I know for sure is that I am ever so thankful for friends that are willing to go outside the box, disagree with me, and give me a bitch-slap whenever I need one….
It kind of reminds me of when Cher slapped Nicolas Cage in the movie “Moonstruck.”
“SNAP OUT OF IT!”