As a reminder to my followers, I use nicknames protect the identity of the people I date. I do it because I feel that this is not about exposing someone, but rather to highlight the fact that dating is not as easy as everyone thinks. “Why Nicknames are Necessary” further explains the need for nicknames.
This story is about Lieutenant Dan. *SAID WITH A FORREST GUMP ACCENT* His name is not Dan and he is not a Lieutenant, but he is high up in the military – I will just leave it at that.
VIA OK CUPID EMAIL:
LT. DAN: Hi:) First of all, I live in New Hampshire, so don’t be alarmed about the NC thing:) I am in North Carolina temporarily. I REALLY like your profile and pictures so I was hoping you had some interest…
*30 MINUTES LATER*
LT DAN: I should also add that I love kissing – lots, and lots, and lots. I think I am good at it:)
I think I need to explain why he mentions this. On every OK Cupid profile, one of the questions you have to fill out is what your really good at. Mine looks like this:
I’M REALLY GOOD AT:
~Driving a 6-speed
~Being a good person and helping others.
Well, I was being honest. I am really good at all the above. I know I was being a little naughty, but by mentioning the kissing several times, to me, is being playful without being slutty.
Even though I haven’t responded to his first two emails, within an hour, Lt. Dan sends another email.
LT. DAN: I am really worth a try:)…
Finally, I replied. I wasn’t ignoring him, I just happened to be chatting with Starbucks Guy. (That story comes later.) I didn’t even notice I had email waiting for me, until I logged off my chat with Starbucks Guy.
When it rains it pours…
CARRIE: Are you always this persistent?
LT. DAN: When I am focused – yes:) I know what I like – it is a good and bad thing…
We go back and forth with emails. He tells me that he’s stationed in North Carolina until May 2012, but will be coming back to NH when he is done. He also said that he was in the process of getting a divorce, had two kids, and already had a civilian job lined up for when he returned home.
We end up talking on the phone a few days later. The conversations came easy. He seems to be nice and normal. Then I asked to see more pictures, because he only had two on his profile. He sends it to my cell phone.
When I get the picture, the wind is immediately taken out of my sail. I don’t even need to take a closer look. I assume that his profile pictures were old pictures. He’s not as cute in the picture he sent to me.
Now I’m irritated.
I’m also noticing some coldness in his eyes. Maybe I’m over-reacting?
I decide to ask my friend, Lizzie, for advice. When I see her, I show her the picture on my cell phone and ask her what she thought. She mentions the weird look in his eyes, zooms in to get a closer look and hands the phone back to me.
The magnified picture Lt. Dan’s eye takes up the whole screen on my cell phone and when I see it, I scream.
“Oh my God, Lizzie! Why would you do that to me?!”
*LIZZIE LAUGH HYSTERICALLY*
A few days later, I visit my friend, Lisa.
“I don’t know, Lisa, he’s really nice on the phone and I like his profile pictures, but now I don’t think he’s cute anymore after seeing this,” and handed her my cell phone.
“Oh, my God, Carrie. Does he have a glass eye?!”
I must admit that even though I was doubtful of Lt. Dan’s pictures, from what I knew about him, I liked him and I liked his persistence – until he was calling me every day: Morning, noon and night.
For instance, he would call before he went into work in the morning, and at the end of the conversation he’d ask, “So, can I call you this afternoon during my lunch?”
After we spoke during his lunch, he would ask again, “So, can I call you after work?” This was cute the first two days and then it got old. Really fast.
Oh, and the other thing that I need to mention is that whenever I shared something about my day or issues I had with friends, his answer was always, “Carrie, what you need is a boyfriend.” Again, the first time was cute, but the next five times were not.
One day, he announces during a phone conversation that he has to leave to go on a mission to an undisclosed location for ten days. However, he sounded really please with himself, because he would still have email access, therefore, we could still communicate while he was gone.
Oh, thank God, because how could I go a whole ten days without talking to someone who I’ve never met, and have only known for 8 days?
He leaves on his trip. I’m actually happy about it, because I’m looking at it as a break.
Not a good sign.
The day he leaves, I get a delivery of flowers sent to my house. The flowers are beautiful, but I’m freaking out, because I have two sets of opposing emotions hitting me at the same time. First, is of course how happy I was to receive flowers. Flowers are the cure-all to everything, well, almost everything. Then after reading the card that came with the flowers, it hits me. I have a sick feeling wash over me, because I realize that he never asked for my address.
Now, you’re probably thinking, what’s the big deal? Well, I’ll tell you what the big deal is – I’m not easy to find. Actually, you can’t find me.
This should have been me…
But, instead, I manage to keep it together and send him a simple email and thanked him.
It was a gamble on the address 🙂 Not trying to be a creeper, as my daughter would say, but thought with all you had going on, it would make you smile. 🙂
It was very thoughtful, I’ll give him that, but I still feel like I need a second opinion, so I start with my brother.
CARRIE: A guy sent me flowers without asking for my address. He works as an Intelligence Agent in the military. Thoughtful or creepy?
CARRIE: Right. Next.
But, Lt. Dan doesn’t get the boot and I don’t go with my Gut Intuition. Instead, that bitch Self-Doubt is doing her thing in my head, telling me that I might be missing out on a really great guy.
While I’m getting my collection of second opinions, Lt. Dan keeps sending me emails, and I keep ignoring them. I just didn’t know what to say to him. But, after a while, I felt bad, because I figured he was in Afghanistan and after his third email, I could tell he sensed something was wrong.
I finally manage to send him the following:
I guess I’m just going to put it out there, seeing that I’ve been sitting on this for a few days and my feelings haven’t changed about the subject.
It really bothered me that you didn’t ask me for my address before sending me the flowers. And, I can’t figure out why you wouldn’t have done that to ensure that you didn’t freak me out in some way.
The flowers were a wonderful gesture, but the way you went about doing it has really turned me off.
You’ve been very nice to me, but I’m not sure I want to meet you anymore.
How’s that for being forward? I can’t help it. I’m a straight shooter and I don’t know of any other way of doing it. Aim, pull trigger. Done.
CARRIE: I keep hearing from Lt. Dan. He’s being very apologetic…
SINGLE GUY FRIEND: Is he earning another shot?
CARRIE: I always second guess myself, because I always think…what if? But, right now, no. I think I have a date with Starbucks Guy Tuesday night.
SINGLE GUY FRIEND: What about the other side of the “What If” argument?
CARRIE: What if he is a good match after all? And, maybe I’m being silly. He did offer to fly up here when he gets back from his trip. He wants to see his kids and meet me.
SINGLE GUY FRIEND: You’re over-thinking it. Go with your gut. Your gut has been right most of the time, right? Listen, you said he got married after only 4 months and, apparently, he hasn’t learned his lesson.
CARRIE: He’s a Cancer like me. I jump in with both feet, too, when I really like someone. I get that. I’m just not that into him, plain and simple. Gut is always right.
SINGLE GUY FRIEND: Sounds like you answered your own question…but, will you listen?
CARRIE: He’s too over-zealous. I need to listen to my gut. Period.
SINGLE GUY FRIEND: Or, just listen to me…I seem to be in tune with your gut.
Within a 24-hour period, while I’m still contemplating everything, Lt. Dan sends me three lengthy emails. All I wanted was for the guy to chill. Give me some space so I could just sort out my thoughts. I didn’t think it was too much to ask for, but obviously by his reaction, and the amount of emails he was sending, it was obviously eating him up.
The three emails that he sent came within a four-hour window of time and, mind you, he sent the second and the third ones without waiting for my response first.
The guy was freaking out.
I finally answer him, because I didn’t want to see any more lengthy explanations. After all, he was serving our country and probably sitting in the middle of Afghanistan; the least thing I could do was stop torturing the poor man by replying, right?
See, I’m not heartless after all…
I send him an email telling him that we can still meet when he comes back from his trip – much to the chagrin of my friends.
LIZZIE: Don’t go on the date – bad vibe. Please…
CARRIE: I’m just going to dinner with him.
LIZZIE: Just be careful. I want all contact information on Lt. Looney, before you go on date.
CARRIE: Great new nickname.
LIZZIE: Glad I could help. You better come home tonight.
CARRIE: Did you see Kelly’s response on the Red Headed Writer’s Facebook page?
LIZZIE: Let me look.
“Yeah, I’d make sure at least half a dozen people knew where I was at all times … something about the whole thing just kinda creeps me out. Like he’s out in the woods right now digging a deep hole.”
LIZZIE: Oh, great, he’s a grave-digger. Woman, I want the information where you are going. It’s bad enough he knows where you live. And, if you’re dead, you’re not going to live to blog about it by the way….
My date with Lt. Dan was set for a Saturday night. I give Lizzie his full name, the restaurant, and even the time we are meeting. Before Lt. Dan offers to pick me up, I take the upper-hand and I tell him that I would just meet him at the restaurant. I don’t think he liked that too much, but I didn’t care. He was lucky I was meeting him at all.
SINGLE GUY FRIEND: Status update?
CARRIE: Thank God the date is over!
SINGLE GUY FRIEND: How long into it were you when you started wishing it to be over?
CARRIE: An hour.
It was true, as soon as Lt. Dan started down his check list of questions, it extinguished any chance he had with me. I felt like I was on an interview more than I was on a date:
“Have you ever smoked pot?”
“Have you ever done drugs?”
“Are you affectionate when you are in a relationship?”
“Do you want babies?”
“Do you see yourself getting married?”
“Do you yell when you argue?”
SINGLE GUY FRIEND: So why did you stay another 3 hours SILLY!!!
CARRIE: I’m a good conversationalist! I shouldn’t have had that second glass of wine…
SINGLE GUY FRIEND: You’re also too nice. So chalk it up another one to the gut, huh?
SINGLE GUY FRIEND: NEXT!!!!
CARRIE: Yes, but he wants to see me on Monday. Uhg.
SINGLE GUY FRIEND: You didn’t say you were going to see him Monday, DID YOU??!!
CARRIE: No. Just gave him the boot.
SINGLE GUY FRIEND: Yay! Another heart STOMPED ON by the Red Headed Writer!
CARRIE: Dude, I need a break from all this dating!!! He was so smitten and I swear he was busy calculating our future in his head all during the date. It was so obvious.
SINGLE GUY FRIEND: I saw that weeks ago. Duh.
CARRIE: Meeeeee toooooo! Damn it, Gut Intuition wins again. Seriously, my next blog should be titled “Dear Gut Intuition: I owe you an apology.”
LISA: How was your date with Glass Eye Guy?
CARRIE: LOL…he doesn’t have a glass eye! Nice guy, just not for me. Just gave him the boot.
LISA: I want you to go on The Bachelor.
CARRIE: Oh, hell no! Those women are all train wrecks!
LISA: Nope. I’m signing you up.
LIZZIE: How did it go?
CARRIE: Lt. Dan was very smitten…and is staying through Monday. He asked me to see him again and I just told him no chemistry.
LIZZIE: And what did he say?
CARRIE: Let me quote, “You are a really nice guy, but I’m not feeling the spark. I had a great time, but I don’t feel the love connection.” He wrote back, “Um…OK. Thank you for being honest.”
LIZZIE: Now he’s digging that grave.
CARRIE: You are SO NOT RIGHT.
3 thoughts on “I Hope I’m Not Digging My Own Grave”
Red — you know now you ignore like five RED flags…..(the pushy, unrelenting e-mails; the flowers violating your privacy; the not taking no as an answer….) — david
That’s what the whole point of this story is about, David. I’m glad you are paying attention. I’m sure you’ll agree with me that it’s so easy to give advice, but when it comes to taking our own advice…
no, no — I just did the SAME thing you did — didn’t listen to my gut — got BURNED bad — specifically pursued a Plain jane girl who lived in my neighborhood — had okay phone call (but it was bad at first) — I was swinging in the other direction after my own fiery redhead experience and had one of the worst dates in recent memory… was trying to go for Plain jane and unassuming (and maybe a little boring) more details at datingdaredevil.com