The Architect

Dear Plenty of Crap…..I mean, Plenty of Fish! How do I thank you for sending me yet another disappointment? Men suck. It’s official. I really hate dating and every guy can just piss off!

I know what you are thinking and I was thinking the same, that I had actually met a decent guy, which we nicknamed the “Architect.”  But, such is my luck or maybe, it’s me.

Maybe, it’s them…

Maybe, I have bad breath?

Maybe, I’m just a bad-guy magnet?


I know I didn’t do anything wrong, so maybe it’s just not in my cards.  Regardless, I’m so frustrated and let down right now, I can’t even stand it. I was happier when I wasn’t dating – when I didn’t have to think about stupid things like when I’m going to kiss someone, or is he a decent guy? Is he going to be a jerk and hurt my feelings like everyone else manages to do? Do I give up my “Penis Free” status or not?

I know that some of you need an update – so let’s recap:

Obviously, I met him on the free dating website We went back-and-forth with the emails, and then graduated to phone calls. He was extremely polite, not pushy, and unassuming. I liked that – and he was a gentleman with all manners.  He was an architect, drove a motorcycle, never been married, no kids, he was extremely smart, was able to have intelligent conversations and used perfect sentence structure!

(It’s the little things that turn me on!)

He pursued me. He drove an hour and a half to come see me at Beth’s house in upstate New York a couple of times and brought a nice bottle of red wine when we invited him over for dinner.

I saw him four times in ten days. I was beside myself – because it’s not like I lived next door – we lived an hour and a half away from each other.

The first kiss didn’t even happen until our 3rd date, but then again, he didn’t try anything either. I really liked that.  Even though he wasn’t the best looking guy, I still wanted to give him a shot, because as we all know, looks fade. I liked him – for all the right reasons, and I was proud of myself for letting a nice, average guy pursue me!

Fast forward a few weeks: We’re getting to know each other, writing emails throughout the day, and talking on the phone at night. I was thinking – here’s a guy who knows how to play his cards right, and seems normal. I kept a sharp eye on him, but the only conclusion I could come up with was that he was indeed genuinely interested in me.


The first time I slept over his house we didn’t have sex. But, instead he spooned me all night and honored my request not to have sex.

But it was the following weekend, I give up my Penis Free in 2010 status. I thought the time was right, and I felt comfortable enough to think that he wasn’t dating me just to get laid.  Plus, I couldn’t wait any longer! The follow morning was a Friday, so we hung out in bed, drank coffee, talked and watched the morning news, until I had to get on the road to New Hampshire for the weekend.

Sunday night when I am driving back from New Hampshire, the plan was that I’d go back to his place for another sleepover.  (Look, as soon as I have nookie – it’s like crack to me!)

However, shortly into my drive, he calls me to say he can’t see me. His brother had just been arrested, and he needed to go deal with it. Okay, fine – no questions asked. That was Sunday May 16th.

Two days later, he calls me sounding frustrated and embarrassed. He explains to me that his 41-year old brother had been arrested for rape, and he had been carrying on a relationship with a 16-year old for the past year. The girl’s mother finally caught wind of it and had him arrested.

I’d say that was a pretty big wrench that was thrown into the works. I sympathized, I was supportive, and spent three hours on the phone with him, holding his hand that night.  I thought it was the least I could do.

A few days later, I invited him up for dinner on Friday and suggested he spend the night so we could do Saturday brunch. I wanted to spend the day with him. He agreed.

But would you believe, I didn’t hear from him until Saturday night.


In my book, that’s a Strike #1. I understood his circumstances, but really? What happened to a courtesy phone call?

No time to call?  How about a text?!

When he did call, his explanation was that he was depressed and feeling down. Funny thing though, two days later he slipped and mentioned that he had gone skeet shooting with one of his friends on Saturday.

I guess that meant he wasn’t in bed with the covers over is head?  But, I gave him the benefit of the doubt thinking he needed to blow off some steam.  You know, clear his head, etc., etc. But, it’s still counted as strike #1!

As I’m watching the first red flag go up the mast, I decided to a little research work of my own on Monday, you know, to verify The Architect’s story. So I rolled up my sleeves, cracked my knuckles and Google’d his brother’s name. I found two articles stating the same thing:

“Joseph V. Maggio III, 41, of Wappinger was arrested by the Dutchess County Sheriff’s Office April 24 and charged with third-degree rape and criminal sex act for allegedly having a sexual relationship with a 15-year-old girl. He was arraigned and in the Poughkeepsie Town Court and remanded to jail in lieu of $50,000 cash or $100,000 bail bond.”

Okay, so it checked out. But I noticed a big discrepancy: The date of the arrest that the Architect gave me was wrong. It didn’t happen last weekend, it happened last month!

Strike #2!

The following week there were several phone calls and texts. We talked about his brother, and the few meetings he had attended with his brother’s lawyer. I brought up the subject about the conflicting dates and the Architect had no explanation. But, because I’m trying to stay open, I let it slide.

The weekend approached, and I invited him upstate again for a few things. One, I wanted to see him before I left for Italy for 8 days on Monday, and two, Beth had a job opportunity she wanted to discuss with him.

And guess what?

Once again, no phone call and no text!!!!!!!!!

Sssstrike #3!

On Monday, I get this email just as I boarded my flight to Italy:

ARCHITECT: I hope you have a great trip to Italy..I am sorry about not being in touch, just too much going on and, well, you deserve someone who can give you 100% of their time. Enjoy yourself and be safe.

CARRIE:  I couldn’t agree with you more. Your niceties you convey do not make up for your lack of common courtesy. You let me in, but then shut the door on me.  You talked to me like I was your friend, but then treat me like crap.  You left me hanging – not once, but twice.  And you blew a job opportunity with Beth.  I don’t get it.  I really don’t.  Whatever you had going on, I hope it was worth it.

And to think, I waited 4 weeks before sleeping with him and gave up my Penis Free status.

Dating sucks.  People suck!


8 thoughts on “The Architect

  1. Let me guess, the Architect was Mike…found your blog through the last name, yikes, just learned that about his brother. I went out with him just once, found him to be hiding a real architect requires several years of schooling, which he does not have. Plus, he was always online, POF, Match, Yahoo Personals, makes you wonder.

  2. Yes, I believe you hit it right on the mark about him. I started seeing him around again lately, so was just curious. He left me hanging too, asked me out in person, then never heard from him again..oh well, I’d say we’re better off! Nice blog..I feel I should write a book about my online dating adventures..why is it so hard to find just one normal one? Good luck to you!

  3. So once again Carrie…we’re on a parallel path… I spent 9 months (way more than you are smarter to waste) participating in a VERY casual relationship. From Day 1 (well more like 3 weeks later), I continued to experience one of the most electrical connections with a man in my 30+ years of dating. In March we go away together, and have seriously one of the best weekends, music, wine, beach, driving, oh ya and even more electricity!! Woo Hoo… We both admit we want to spend more time together. About a month later, I know we need to talk – to validate it’s really the same page (never mind book) we’re on. Week after week goes by, drama after drama – daughter running away, cousin getting beat up, brother with no license, I get no time from him for our talk.

    At last, the time is set – 11 am brunch – my place (of course that included the Plus +1 hour since he’s always late). Finally at 2pm – I get a text – oops sorry, I’m just waking up. We had a beer tasting last night and I’m hungover…the next comment from him is that we both know he doesn’t want a relationship!! And that was the END, finished, no further contact. So glad he had respect to discuss this with me in person – NOT… He just validated he wasn’t worthy and time to move on…. NEXT…

    I only wish for the amazing women like us, that some day there will be a respect test we can give men to help us avoid all the bullshit!! LOL

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