Last week, one of my single male friends shared with me his experiences with on-line dating. He said his one-month dating experience had led him to believe that all on-line women are not only desperate, but crazy. “Whoa! What? Are you serious? Why do you say that?” I asked. “Here, I’ll let you read some of the emails I get. Everyone of these women are from the age of 30 – 50 years old. They all contacted me first. I never respond, because I’m not interested. It’s pretty sad.” He forwarded the emails to me, and I sat there at my computer, wide-eyed and with my hand over my mouth, horrified. These are the emails that I read that day – verbatim.
“How re u doing? I like your profile and pics. I was on vac in CA when I subscribed on match but I’m living in MA. I’m planning to move to NH soon. That’s why i’m looking for my match in NH. Hope to hear from u soon.”
“This will be quick. I’m from the south too, first thing in common : ) Anyway, I would like to meet up for coffee and conversation…Oh, and HAPPY THANKSGIVING!”
“I would like to meet you… Diana”
“ive never written back to someone who hasnt responded to my first inquiry. However, i’m a bit curious as to what it was that didnt interest you about my profile. Again, just curious as i dont write to many people and this is new to me so just trying to get an idea.”
“Would you be up for a chat or txting…”
“I beleive that I am an atractive fun person who has a lot to offer. I am 43 years old but look younger.”
“I have looked at your profile more than once,….I like;-)))” “if you want I would like to get to know more about you…..Karen Have a Great Day.”
“hi. i know i live far away. but i am a flight attenant and have overnights in boston alot. wanted to know if you would be up for talking over a drink/coffe sometime?”
“I sent you an email last week and came across your profile again today. Was hoping I could convince you to enjoy a good cup of coffee and great conversation and go from there. Would love to Hear from you!”
“I was wondering why I was getting no response to the carefully-crafted, profile-germane, hopefully-witty emails I was sending, so I asked some of my gal pals who have been doing Match longer. They said that in their experience, men basically never respond to unsolicited emails from gals. What’s up with that”
“Sadly, this leaves me only two options — lurk on Match sifting through correspondence with the cougar-hunters and mirror-phobic (no), OR issue you a dare (men like dares): Be the guy who write back, I dare ya …. Go ahead, hit reply.”
“Match singled you out as one of my ‘special matches’ …I do like what you have to say, and would like to get to know you. BUT, I understand that the ‘dare ya’ experiment could seem snarky rather spunky (my intention) … so I wish you the best of luck.”
Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Stop! Just stop what you are doing! No wonder men think that all women on-line are crazy!
Ladies! Where is your dignity? Where is your common sense? Where is your self-control? Holy cow! We need to have a come-to-Jesus meeting.
*GETTING UP ON SOAP BOX*
It is on rare, and I mean really rare, occasion that I will write to someone first. Why? Because, I know that if a guy is into me, he’ll let me know! There is no need to help him along in the process. Men are natural-born hunters. It’s innate. They enjoy the thrill of the hunt. Don’t spoil the rules of nature and, please, let them hunt!
How do I know about this rule of nature? Because, my brother, a bar owner/bar tender, has always told me that as soon as a girl gives up her phone number, before he even asks for it… It’s over! Not interested! Next! Giving a guy your phone number before he even asks for it translates into a lot of things, but mostly: You are desperate. You are needy. You are not worth his time. So, let him contact you first, and when you reply to his email, please be sure that you pay attention to not only the content of your email but also the structure.
What you say, and how you say it, is just as important as spelling and grammar. Think of this as an interview. Would you really send out a cover letter without proofing it first? Spell-check is your friend! If you can’t spell, use Spell-check! Mozilla has it built-in, and will light up every misspelled word like a Christmas tree just so you don’t miss your error. If you don’t have Mozilla installed onto your computer, then cut and paste your email into a Word document, and have Word check the spelling for you. Hell, it will even check your grammar, too! Bonus!
Remember, first impressions are lasting impressions. Let me give you an example. Which email would you rather receive?
“Hey whats up with u?”
Or, would you rather receive this email?
“I really enjoyed your profile – especially the part about how you took in climbed your first mountain. I love hiking, too. Please take a look at my profile and, if you like it, I would really like the chance to start corresponding with you.”
It’s really that simple. You get what you give, so put a little more thought and effort into any, and all, correspondence. Please. Remember, if a guy is interested in you – he’ll let you know. Do yourself a favor – go out and buy, He’s Just Not That Into You. I’ve recommend this book to a lot of my single girlfriends, and they all said it brought them clarity and insight into what they were doing wrong. You, too, can save yourself a lot of time, heartache, and, quite frankly, embarrassment if you read this book.
*STEPPING OFF SOAP BOX*
Now, stop being a slacker, and get back to work! ~Carrie