(continued from Beef Cake: Part 2)
I had just come back from a 3-day trip with Beef Cake. We had just met for the first time after having what I thought was a successful six-week courtship. Everyone was rooting for Beef Cake, including myself, but I knew it wasn’t going to last with him for a few reasons; one of them was DC Dude.
It was Sunday morning and after years of being single, Sundays was just one of the suckiest days, because I always woke up by myself. I always felt that Sundays should be spent lounging around all day in bed with someone you love. You know, only getting up to have coffee, read the paper, shower after sex, pee or to meet up with friends for brunch.
That’s definitely how I want to spend my Sundays – in bed, and who did I image spending my Sunday mornings in bed with? Well, we knew it wasn’t Beef Cake, because his “BMD” (baby mama drama) during our three days together had just killed it for me. There was no way in hell I wanted to sign up for that drama. But, the truth was, I missed DC Dude. And his latest text “We need a weekend together. Miss ya.” wasn’t helping me get over him either.
But that had been three weeks ago and out of spite, I ignored his text. I did it because I was trying give Beef Cake a fair chance.
Beef Cake was on point. He treated me the way I wanted to be treated and DC Dude – we all know he just liked to pop into my life and then disappear. Ya, I decided that didn’t work for me.
So, then why was I thinking about him again? His text that I left unanswered was like having a giant pink elephant standing there in the kitchen with me as I sipped my coffee and made my breakfast.
If you want the same, do the same. If you want different, then do different.
Maybe I needed to approach things with DC Dude differently…
I figured I had nothing to lose and everything to gain and wouldn’t you know, before I could change my mind, I quickly typed up my response and sent it to him.
DC DUDE: 17-day time delay. LOL. Nice! 🙂
CARRIE: Oh, stop it. Your track record is far worse!!! 🙂
DC DUDE: Justified.
DC DUDE: Kiss my ass, priorities. You miss me. Admit it.
Damn him…that…prick! Yes, I missed him.
But instead of being honest, I played it cool.
CARRIE: Think of you, yes. Miss you…?
DC DUDE: LMAO. You’re full of positivity this morning…
CARRIE: What?! I’m Positive F*cking Pollyanna….kiss my foot.
DC DUDE: Rather kiss your you-know-what. For hours. 🙂
Too bad he was so quick to turn things sexual – as it turned me off. But I felt it was so typical of men these days.
But that’s why I tried giving Beef Cake a chance. At least Beef Cake worked for it. He put in his time and made me feel secure. I knew he wasn’t going anywhere – unlike Mr. “Disappearing Act” DC Dude. The last time I saw DC Dude was in September: (DC Dude: Part 2 – Just When I Gave Up, He Showed Up.) It was now February!
*COUNTING ON FINGERS*
The last time I had actually talked to him on the phone was in December. Again, it’s now February!
To me, that’s sending mixed signals. I knew he liked me, but why was it so hard for him to keep in touch?
I had to put things in perspective…
CARRIE: Our priorities are different. I can’t understand yours and you can’t understand mine. Simple.
DC DUDE: OK.
CARRIE: Don’t take my bluntness as being negative, please. I just have a firm grip on reality. I’m nobody’s “after thought.” You should know that by now…c’mon.
DC DUDE: OK.
He was pissing me off. I get an “OK,” again? This was a guy who was who could sell paint off a wall, and yet he didn’t have anything more to say other than just “OK”?
CARRIE: We both know I deserve better – more. As for you, and I say this from a loving place, because I care about you: You get what you give. It’s not a slam. I just think your expectations are off…at least with me they are. And lastly…texting????? Really? Priorities.
DC DUDE: OK
Speechless, pissed, irritated – it was useless…
And then, while I’m trying to not lose my cool, who chimes in?
BEEF CAKE: Hi, Kitten! I’m cleaning the downstairs and I just wanted you to know that, as I go about my day, whatever I might be doing, you are very close to my thoughts. 🙂
Why couldn’t DC Dude just be more like Beef Cake?
Why couldn’t Beef Cake be more like DC Dude?
Hmmmm…if I could only combine the two guys into one…
I felt that DC Dude didn’t leave me anything to work with, and I didn’t own a crowbar to break down his walls, so instead of continuing with our texting I went about my day and tried to forget about him.
But that was not happening, because five hours later, even after discussing the whole ordeal with Beth, I was still feeling frustrated. I decided to just spell out how I really felt and went for broke.
CARRIE: See? I don’t even know who you are anymore. You easily shut down. No more discourse. The guy I remembered clearly doesn’t exist anymore. And yes, I do miss him.
DC Dude: What? I just don’t give a shit. You’re right.
CARRIE: There is no more friendship. It faded a long time ago because we didn’t build on the foundation of what we originally started. You dropped out of sight. We are left with two people who are attracted to each other, and that’s it. I’m 40. Not some 20-something year old girl who gets excited whenever a guy pays attention to me.
DC DUDE: I’m 35.
CARRIE: Why you have kept coming around is beyond me. If you are looking for a hook-up, you should fish in local waters.
DC DUDE: You live 4 states away. That’s a bit ridiculous for a simple hook-up. Please spare me.
CARRIE: I liked you for all the right reasons, and I just get treated like an after thought. It’s unacceptable and really I expected better from you. You don’t get it, because, if you did, you would have done better by me. I deserve better.
DC DUDE: OK. You’re right.
CARRIE: Then what?! What do you want?????
I sat there in Red Rocket staring at my phone, parked in front of Home Depot, freezing my ass off…waiting…waiting for him to finally say something – to say anything.
But, he didn’t.
Why was this so difficult?!
I couldn’t do it anymore. He had to know he just couldn’t randomly pop up out of nowhere and expect that I would greet him with open arms. I just couldn’t stand connecting with him again and then lose him all over again. It hurt too much. We had been doing this for over a year now and it just needed to stop. Plus, how could he not know that every time he disappeared, it hurt my feelings?
CARRIE: If you don’t have the ability to say it; if you can’t be an adult and just be honest with me, and most of all, be the guy I deserve, then please just leave me the FUCK alone!!
DC DUDE: OK.
His last text made me regret even thinking that this time would be different – that maybe we could connect again like we had when we first me online.
Why couldn’t he just step up?
Why couldn’t he just say what we both already knew?
*grabs tissue and dries eyes*